I’m once again losing faith in humanity. While doing the usual scroll through my Facebook feed for the latest and greatest skate/snow content, I came across the following post from a friend of a friend:
When I’m deep in the scroll, I’m pretty much just skimming for key words like snow, skate, or brand names, so when I saw “Skaters”, it took me a second to realize that this was the most ridiculous concept for a dating site I have seen yet. So naturally I signed up.
Apparently skaters love military hats and plastic aviators.
As you can see, the Sign Up page is pretty standard, but I have to admit I was quite proud of my profile. This is also where we catch the first glimpse of the lovely ladies that frequent DateSkaters, although let’s be honest, they’re probably all fake profiles to make the site seem real. Shame on you DateSkaters.
Mall grabs are tyte.
My first move upon locking down an epic profile, was to check out the Browse Members Near You section, and to my pleasant surprise, the second listing down was the one and only Brooke Geery of YoBeat fame. This does make me wonder what DateSkaters considers “Near Me”, because I don’t consider a 12 hour drive to Portland, OR as near. Come to think of it, I didn’t see any listings in Utah. Killing it DateSkaters.
Busted Brooke
I then made the mistake of seeing what gems were using the Chat at 1 in the afternoon. I would have more screenshots, but the ridiculous comments kept piling up, so I’ll just hit you with some of my favorites. I’m going to apologize right now for how vulgar some of these are, but that’s just the way internet chats go these days:
gecko4: iris looks like yasirs wants your royal tight wet………
sweettater12: ohhh she jus gives it away lol
sinimuffini: maybe she’s just a dick tease
chive247365: well go grab some guy and throw some pussy on him
BluedressAlice: classless wench.
gecko4: better dry the kitty
Iris92: at least prince of hungery likes my butt
princess6: lets see how royal horny you are
BluedressAlice: which is equally Hung, but less angry
sinimuffini: i was thinking more like throwin someone with a smelly octopus in this case
My humble contribution to the nonsensical ranting was simply, “Anyone in Utah?” to which I got completely ignored, and I was ok with it.
“Your brain is in your ass, but it still works”
I continued to peruse the site for only two or three pages because that’s all the awfulness I could handle. Maybe one day I’ll take my blogging duties to new heights and write about an actual date from this site, assuming I can even find someone in Utah. But for now I think it’s safe to assume most skaters will just stick to good ol’ fashioned Tinder. Sorry DateSkaters.
