No, no, no, no, NO. Things were going so well with the internet these days. It’s been quite some time since I’ve had to complain about some great “innovation” in skateboarding, but all good things must come to an end right? Let’s start with a video:
If there’s one thing skateboarders are known for, it’s not turning.
First off, I can’t tell if the name is supposed to be a play on the legendary mythological beast from the depths of hell, The Kraken, or if it’s supposed to be the worst spelling of “cranking” I’ve even seen. Either way, not down.
Apparently this company has been around since 2009, but I haven’t had the misfortune of stumbling across it until today when I found this article on The Digital Journal, which states, “Krainkn is the perfect tool to help practice tricks.” No it’s not! You literally can’t do a single flip trick or even ollie properly. Sure you can hit rails and coping, but if you try to do it without the bungees, it’s going to be a completely different feeling and you’ll have to learn tricks all over again, except this time you’ll have learned a bunch of bad habits from the Krainkn.
I GUESS I get what they are going for, marketing it towards kids as a way to gain confidence on a skateboard, but this thing genuinely teaches kids nothing about real skateboarding. Kids won’t even learn the way a skateboard moves with your body. Skateboards don’t magically stick to your feet so you can hop around like a regular house cat. You have to learn to control the board with not only your feet, but even the way your body is positioned over it, and having two bungees at either end helps you with none of that. The Krainkn might help kids a little bit with balance, but you know what else does that? RIDING AN ACTUAL SKATEBOARD.
I also have a vague memory of this idea crashing and burning already…
You should also be sure to feast your eyes on the epicness of VIDEO REMIX #1 below, and if that’s just not enough for you, you’re in luck! VIDEO REMIX #2 is the best sequel since The Empire Strikes Back! Cheers.
Editor’s note: In my research for this blog, mostly searching for logos and ridiculous pictures to make that glorious header image, I came across the most epic patent that has ever been filed for a “Skateboard tension strap” that lets a skater “perform ‘hands-free’ stunts without having to use his or her hands to hold or control the skateboard.” Enjoy.
